I know you’re not completely sold on Paisley yet. It’s not hard to see why – I mean, all she does is eat, sleep, poop and cry!
And I know I’ve been a bit more short tempered with you these past few days. I’m sorry for yelling at you, I didn’t mean to. I know you’re not being naughty. You’re not doing anything different than what you would’ve done a month ago. Only now things are different. Now you’re not my only baby.
We tried to prepare you. We talked to you about Paisley and how she would soon be here living with us. We said you would be her big brother and she, your little sister. We asked you if you would help us with nappy changes. And you do! We taught you how to change your doll. We showed you where she would sleep. You helped us pick her clothes. You told people that she was in my belly and you kissed it and rubbed oil on it.
But you’re only 2. And no matter how much we showed you and spoke to you, nothing really could’ve prepared you for how all of our lives would change. Yours especially.
Life as you have always known it is different now. Our world no longer revolves solely around you. It’s a lot for you to handle, I get that. All this time it’s only been you. You have been the centre of our world. You have been the one we tuck in at night and then miss so much we want to wake you up again. All of the toys were yours, you’ve never had to share them. All of my time was yours, you didn’t have to share me either. Or Daddy for that matter.
We have watched you grow with our focus entirely on you. We’ve heard your every word and watched your every step. We’ve had conversations with you at silly o’clock and not been able to help the laughter as you come out with the strangest of things, no matter how tired we were because you’d snuck into our bed.
We have held you for hours when you wouldn’t settle. And watched you sleep when you did. We’ve been peed on, pooed on and puked on by you and in the name of love, we’ve taken it.
But now there are two of you. Now we are lucky to have Paisley in our lives and you’re lucky too! You’ll see that soon, I’m sure.
When Mummy’s scar has healed, we can do so much more and I can crawl around and play with you again. When Paisley has learnt to smile and laugh, you will have tremendous fun playing boo with her and doing funny faces.
My dear sweet boy, it will get better, it won’t always be like this. I wont always have to ask you to wait while I just feed your sister. Or tell you to be careful when you crazily crash your bin lorry into her changing mat. Soon she will be crawling around so fast and you’ll love chasing her, I promise.
You will always be my first born and for now at least you are still my favourite boy. You are the one that changed me. You are the one that made me a mum and opened my heart to a whole new world. You taught me to be a mother. You taught me to be patient. You taught me to trust my instincts. I hope that we still get our time together, just us, like old times. You’ve always been so much fun to be around and you make me so proud when we go out! You will always be that special surprise that turned my world upside down in the most magical way. And you will always be my number 1. My first love. My first born.