Babies. Turning couples into families and adults into parents since the beginning of time. Cute squishy little bundles of love that can and probably will completely change your life. Everybody tells you about sleepless nights, changing bums how to test bath temperatures. There is advice everywhere about how to dress them, where and how they should sleep, what to feed them etc but what about the stuff nobody tells you? Well, I’ve got a couple of things to tell you that nobody else will.
- Firstly, YOU DONT KNOW SHIT!
Everyone is an expert. Everyone knows best. Everyone except you. Especially if this is your first baby. Or at least… that’s how it will feel. But that’s not true at all. You will know your baby better than anyone. Doesn’t mean people will hold back on the advice though. Expect a LOT of it. Mostly contradicting.
- OMG Is she breathing?
You will never not be able to check their breathing. You see them lying peacefully in their sleep but they are so completely still. They make no sound whatsoever and then suddenly you panic. You get a little smidge of doubt in your head so you watch to make sure they are actually breathing. If they are in a sleeping bag or a blanket sometimes its harder to tell so you put your hand on them to feel the breaths. You will do this forever now.
- The Startle reflex.
Occasionally, while in that nice snooze where you’ve had to check they’re breathing, they will suddenly jump! Perfectly normal, the startle reflex normally wears off after about 3 months but up until then, your baby can seem quite jerky and jumpy.
- Parents are horribly competitive. Is he sitting yet?
Gerald was sitting at 5 months, but he is quite advanced for his age and he can already count to 10…. thousand…. in 4 languages…. backwards…. while standing on his head!
Wellllll, Good for Gerald! No, Really, I mean it… But you see, the thing is… how fast a child learns to walk, talk, read or write has absolutely no bearing on how well a child can walk, talk, read or write. It’s hard not to worry about some of these things with your first born but I’m on my 3rd now and honestly, I couldn’t give less of a shit. She’ll learn things when she learns them. I’m just happy to enjoy her as she is. The baby stage goes far too quickly.
- Every new stage will become your favourite! They’re so beautiful when they sleep as a newborn and so tiny and calm. Then they start smiling and its the best thing ever. Then they giggle and that’s even better than a smile. And then they roll over or sit or crawl and you are amazed even more every single time. Then they say mama and.. well! #HeartMelt
- You will google the craziest shit. At 3 am normally. And you’ll also probably freak out a bit. Should their poo look like that? Are they supposed to make that noise? Why are they so jumpy? Should your boobs really be that big? And what about that cord? How far can you spray breast milk? Wait, I didn’t google that!?! And those are the more mild ones…
- They wear so much stuff! You will probably never see the bottom of your laundry basket for more than a couple of hours for the next 18 years. Make your peace with it now.